It's been a long time since I wrote something! Recently, I have been in a state of anxiety - knowing that I have important and urgent things to do, but when I sit in front of the computer desk, everything is ready, but I can't write. It's not because I don't have ideas to write, it's not because my mind is confused, and it's not because the environment is chaotic. All the environmental factors are good and have no impact, it's all because of myself. Maybe this is what they call "a troubled mind".
But the longer I stay in this state, the more restless my heart becomes. My friends say to take a break, but for me, that's just a way to escape. During the escape, my heart will be at peace for a short time, but when I return to the real world, the invisible pressure still comes rushing back.
Today should be the third day of being in this state continuously. I haven't done anything for the past two days, and it's the same today. After I finished eating at 7 o'clock in the evening, I lay on the bed for a while. When I was lying down, my heart was pounding and my body suddenly felt hot. While lying on the bed, I thought to myself, actually, I only need to finish this paper by the end of the month, I still have at least a month's time! It feels like high school, where I would unconsciously set goals for myself and increase pressure, but now you don't really need these methods. The ideal working state is healthy, regular, and sustainable.
Actually, this is also the reason why I wanted to take a gap year - the main reason is indeed the lack of achievements and I am not satisfied with the supervisor I found. Another important reason is that my body and mind have not adapted to the doctoral stage of study. The state I am in when writing the paper is isolating all entertainment for a period of time, and then playing after finishing, maintaining a state of flow. But in this process, my sleep habits become poor, or rather, my sleep habits have been poor for the past year. Good sleep habits are the foundation of a healthy working state!
This is also why I want to start a new blog at this time today, hoping to record my changes in life on the platform, and hoping to adapt to the life of a doctoral student faster in terms of both physical and mental aspects.